What You can do about a Will depends on where You are Standing.

There is a story in the news about a woman in Rhode Island who was trying to overturn her aunts’ will, here:

Records Show Woman Gave Legion Of Christ $60 Million Over 20 Years
Essentially, the niece alleges that a charity exercised ‘undue influence’ on the aunt and had the aunt both give money during her lifetime and leave her fortune to the charity via a will. However, the suit was dismissed; in other words, the niece lost the suit, because she lacked “standing”.

The article does not go into detail over why the court found the niece lacked standing; but here’s a link to the case:


Dauray vs. Estate of Mee

It looks like the niece was not a beneficiary under the will nor under any of the trusts and she stated in a deposition that she was not interested in recovering any of the money for herself.

Why am I discussing this? Because standing matters in probate litigation in Florida.

In order to contest a will in Florida, you need to show that the person has “standing”. Standing means that you are going to be affected, personally, by the outcome of the case. That you stand to win or lose something from the case. Most of the time, this is not going to be difficult to show; if you are a spouse of the person who died, if you are a child of the person who died, you can usually show that if the will is thrown out, you will get something, personally.

Nonetheless, standing can be tricky; If you are not a child or spouse of the person who died, you have to show exactly what you would gain if the will were not probated; and in some circumstances, you can’t show that. For example; if you were not a child of the person who died, but a stepchild, that is, the child of the persons deceased spouse; you may have difficulty in showing standing. Why? Because, normally, if a will is thrown out, the estate is considered to be ‘intestate’, which means it passes according to what the state sets out. While, theoretically, a stepchild could inherit from a stepparent in intestacy, you would have to show that there were no surviving relatives of the person who died; no siblings, cousins or second cousins; in other words there were no surviving descendants of the persons grandparents what so ever. A second cousin who never knew the person would get the estate before a stepchild.

Likewise, if you are a surviving grandchild of the person who died; if your parent is alive, you would probably not get anything in an intestate estate; if the estate were intestate, your parent, not you, would get the inheritance. Or, in the case where there the person left children or grandchildren; a niece or nephew probably would not have standing to challenge a will; because if the will were thrown out, the estate would go to the children or grandchildren, not the niece or nephew.

And, if you’re not related by blood or marriage; if you’re simply a neighbor, a friend, or even a long time companion of the person who died, you almost certainly are not going to receive anything in an intestate estate.

Now, if you can show that you would have received something under a prior will or a trust, then you might have standing; you would have to show that ‘but for’ the latest will you would have gotten something under a previous will or such.

Standing can get very complicated, and each case needs to be evaluated on it’s own facts; depending on the exact circumstances, there may be a way to gain standing. You need to talk to a lawyer about this.

If you have questions about a will contest or how to challenge a will in The Villages, Florida, feel free to contact my office.

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Things to know about Florida Homeowners Insurance

If you have moved to, or are moving to Florida and buying a home, there are certain things you need to consider about homeowners insurance. Florida’s insurance commissioner discusses many of these issues here:

Homeowners Insurance Overview

Including mold coverage, law and ordinance coverage, limitations on personal property coverage, replacement cost versus cash value, market value versus replacement value, and additional living expense. I’m not going to repeat the information here, the insurance commissioner does a fine job explaining the basics.

Other things to consider are hurricane deductibles, which our insurance commissioner discusses here:

Residential Coverage Hurricane Deductible

Hurricane surcharges, discussed here:

P & C General – Current Assessments and Recoupment Surcharges

And how to choose an insurance agent and what to do if you can’t find insurance

Insuring Your Home

I will say that our state government is very good about providing information to consumers; if you have questions that aren’t answered by these pages, please feel free to contact my office in Summerfield, conveniently located near The Villages.

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Personal injury in Florida

I get inquiries from time to time about ‘personal injury’ cases. Those are cases where someone has been hurt in some sort of accident; the most common is a motor vehicle accident, but it can cover slip and falls, product liability (where a consumer product doesn’t work like it’s supposed to), medical malpractice, and other types of cases.

And, some of these types of cases have their own rules; medical malpractice in Florida is a very specific area of law; some product liability cases involve an interplay between state law and federal law, and even automobile accidents have their own rules regarding what you have to do in order to recover.

Nonetheless, the general rule in personal injury cases is that you need to show at least two things; first, that someone either did something that they should not have done or did not do something that they should have done, (failing to exercise “ordinary care”), and you need to show that you suffered an injury as a result.

Both of these have to be present; a failure to exercise ordinary care and an injury. Someone can be very negligent, and yet not be liable for negligence, if no one is actually hurt.

The best example I can give of ‘no injury, no liability’ is this one: years ago, when I was in law school, I was driving back home for the weekend on I-95 through Ft. Lauderdale. All of the cars were at or a little bit over the speed limit, including myself. It was a three lane section, and it was packed with cars. All of the sudden, one driver in the extreme left hand lane must have seen that he was going to miss his exit, and decided to slam on the brakes, and cut across all of the lanes of traffic to get to the exit ramp.

Of course, everyone else slammed on their brakes. Including me. Tires were squealing, a couple of cars started to fishtail, one car wound up facing in the opposite direction from traffic flow, everyone came to a complete stop. Nonetheless; no car managed to hit any other car; no car hit the construction barrier; and there was no damage to anyone’s car or body; just a lot of people who were very shaken up. Everyone sort of looked at one another, and then started up and drove away, all of us under the speed limit, at least for a little while.

Was the driver negligent in pulling across three lanes of traffic to get to the exit ramp? Yes. Did he violate traffic laws? Certainly. Had a police officer seen this, the officer could have written the driver up for several traffic violations. Could any of the other drivers, including me, have sued the guy for what he did? No. Because none of us were hurt; none of our cars were damaged, the worst that happened was people were shaken up. There was no damage, thus, no negligence case.

If you or a loved one have been injured in an accident, you should contact a lawyer, and contact a lawyer quickly; there may be certain deadlines, and in some cases your not meeting those deadlines may result in you losing rights.  If the accident happened in The Villages, Florida, or the surrounding communities of Belleview, Summerfield, Oxford, Lady Lake, Fruitland Park or Wildwood Florida, contact my office.  I am willing to evaluate the case, and if I think it is a good case,  I may handle the case myself, or refer it out to another lawyer, depending on the facts.  But it is very important to contact an attorney quickly as you may lose certain rights by delaying.

And, as I note here:
Protecting Your Assets from the other guy, Uninsured Motorist Coverage in Florida

One thing you can do to protect yourself is to get uninsured motorist coverage. If you are hurt in an automobile accident and the guy who did the damage is not carrying insurance, or is not carrying enough insurance, you can go after your own insurance company for the damages, in some cases, but only if you carry uninsured motorist coverage.

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What do people fight about in probate? Part 3

Last time we looked at fights over personal representatives.

Today we’re looking at fights over wills; whether a will is valid; whether a will should be admitted to probate and whether a copy of a will should be probated.

I discuss validity of wills and how to challenge a will here:

How to Contest a Will in Florida

Very generally, though, if the will was drafted by a lawyer, the execution of the will (the way the will was done) is going to be presumed to be done in accordance with the law.

Which leaves you questions of whether the person making the will knew what they were doing. As I discuss here:

Can I contest or challenge a Will?

Usually, just because someone is unhappy with the way a will was drafted does not mean that the will is invalid; with some very limited exceptions Florida allows people to cut children and relatives out of wills entirely ( the major exception being where the person had minor children at their death and leave a homestead; normally Florida does not allow someone to transfer a home away from minor children by a will, though there are other ways of seeing that the house goes to someone other than a minor child at the death of the parent) and while Florida does provide some protection to spouses (normally requiring the spouse to get at least a life estate in the family home and the right to a certain share of the estate) adult children, siblings, nieces, nephews and more distant relatives are subject to essentially no protection.

And, normally, just because someone promised to leave an item to a particular person or property to another person does not make that promise enforceable; Florida law regarding “contracts to make a will” is very strict, it requires the promise or contract to be in writing and to comply with the formalities of a will, in other words, to have two witnesses to the promise, and for those witnesses to sign in the presence of the person who made the will and in the presence of the other witness. Very few promises to make a will meet that standard; normally it was a verbal promise; and even if it is in writing, such as in a letter or such, those writings are rarely witnessed. There is an exception for will contracts entered into by an out of state resident; essentially the agreement will be upheld provided it was valid in the state or jurisdiction it was entered into at the time. This usually applies to prenuptial agreements; but theoretically, could apply to other contracts to make a will.

Nonetheless, this does not mean that people aren’t willing to fight about this sort of thing; just that these sorts of cases can be difficult to win. If you have a question about this sort of thing, you need to contact an attorney who handles probate. And as I point out here
You Snooze You Lose Failing to Object in time in a Will Contest

You may have a very short period of time to object.

Lastly, there is the question of what if an original will cannot be found, but someone has a copy of a will.

A copy of a will can be submitted for probate; in order to get the will admitted to probate you need two things; first, you need at least one disinterested witness, someone who is not taking something under the will; and that is if you have a ‘true copy’ of the will; if you don’t have a true copy of the will you need two witnesses. This case discusses the requirement in some detail:
Brennan v. Honsberger

The witnesses, however, are not the tough part; the second requirement is the tough part. Florida presumes that where a will cannot be found that the testator destroyed the will with the intent to revoke the will. In other words, Florida presumes that the reason the will cannot be found is that the person who made the will was dissatisfied with the will and tore it up or burnt it or threw it away with the expectation that the their estate would pass by intestacy. You need to show specific circumstances that would lead a judge to believe that the will was lost or destroyed by accident or was deliberately stolen or destroyed by someone other than the testator. And as this case discusses, you need actual evidence; not just speculation;
Balboni v. LaRocque

Now, it is going to depend on the circumstances; the classic case would be where a house was destroyed in a fire or hurricane or flood that also killed the testator; if the house was destroyed, it is not unreasonable to assume that the will was in the house and was destroyed with the house. But in a case where the house is intact, where the will simply can’t be found, this is a very definite uphill battle, and one that may be difficult to win.

If you have questions about your probate rights in Florida, you need to contact an attorney. If you are in or around The Villages, Florida, please contact my office.

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What do people fight about in probate? Part 2

Last time we looked at fights over “Stuff”. Normally those fights are fairly trivial, the dollar value of the items is minimal.

This time we’re looking at fights over who can be Personal Representative, which is what Florida calls Executors.

Personal representatives are responsible for running the estate; to hire the lawyer, open probate, gather information, file tax returns, if needed, pay bills and oversee the final distribution of the estate to those people who inherit.

First, personal representatives can be nominated, or named, in a will; but even though someone is named as personal representative in a will, they are not actually the personal representative unless and until a judge signs off or appoints them as personal representative.

If a personal representative is named in a will, normally the judge will appoint them; however, if someone is a convicted felon, has been declared to be incapacitated, or is under 18, they can’t be appointed personal representative. Additionally, the person must be EITHER a Florida resident, a Florida attorney OR related by either blood or marriage to the person who died. I discuss this in a bit more detail here:
Choosing a Personal Representative

If, however, someone dies without a will, then things become a bit more tricky; there is a procedure set out in Florida law that determines who is eligible to be personal representative. In a nutshell, the priority is 1) Surviving spouse, if any 2) the person chosen by a majority in interest of the heirs and 3) the nearest surviving relative.

Surviving spouse is pretty clear; the a majority in interest of the heirs, however, requires some explanation. A majority of interest of the heirs means the person who has over one half of the votes of the people who stand to inherit taking into account the proportion of the estate they are inheriting. It is not the majority of people, but a majority of interest.

An example is probably the easiest way to explain this. Say mom dies. Mom had 4 children; Ann, Bob, Charlie and David. Charlie is dead; but Charlie left three children; and David is dead, and left ten children. So, you’ve got

Ann who gets one quarter of the estate (25%)
Bob, who gets one quarter of the estate (25%)
Charlies two children who each get one half of one quarter of the estate (12.5% each)
Davids ten children who each get one tenth of one quarter of the estate. (2.5% each)

If Ann and Charlies two children decide that Ann should be executor, that is one half of the interest of the estate. If Bob and Davids ten children decide that Bob should be executor, then that is one half of the interest in the estate; it’s a dead split. Even though the vote is four to eleven in terms of number of people, it is still a 50/50 split in terms of interests in the estate.

Now, say, one of Davids ten children switches his vote to Anns side; now Ann has her quarter, 25%, plus two votes from Charlies children at 12.5% each, plus one vote from one of Davids children which is 2.5%. Ann now has 52.5% of the vote; which is more than half. Ann will be personal representative with a majority in interest of the heirs; even though in terms of people she only has 5 votes to Bobs 10 votes in terms of actual people.

What’s the big deal about being personal representative? The personal representative calls the shots in terms of what goes on, subject to oversight by the lawyer and approval by the judge. Normally, there is not a whole lot of money in being executor in Florida; the statutory fee is 3% of the gross value of the estate, however the value of the estate does not normally include the value of the house. So, if the value of the estate is, say $20,000 not including the house, the personal representatives fee is going to be $600; if the estate is $100,000 then the personal representative may be eligible for up to $3,000 in fees. As a general rule no one is going to get rich off of being personal representative in Florida; while a few hundred or a few thousand dollars may not be insignificant, it usually isn’t going to be worth an extended fight over it. Nonetheless, if it is a sufficiently large estate, say, $1 Million, the personal representatives fee would be 3 percent of that, or $30,000. Which may in fact be worth fighting over.

How can you avoid personal representative fights? Have a will; name a personal representative, and it is a good idea to name a secondary or alternate, and maybe even a tertiary or second alternate personal representative. And, frankly, go to a lawyer for the will; don’t try to do this yourself, or rely on software or fill in the blank type forms.

If you have questions about choosing a Personal Representative, drafting a will, or probate in The Villages, Florida, please call my office.

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What do people fight about in probate? Part 1

You hear stories of horrible probates; people fighting over probates and how those fights can damage families.

In my experience, most probates run pretty smoothly; usually everyone accepts that the person died, that the split of the property is going to be in a particular manner, and most of the time people act like grownups.

Nonetheless, sometimes things run off the rails as it were. And there are fights over who gets what or who is entitled to what or how the probate is being run.

Here’s some things that can cause problems in probate and some things you can do to avoid or minimize those problems.

First, personal property. What is known to the law as ‘tangible personal property’ and most people call ‘stuff’. The car. The jewelry. The dishes. The heirlooms. The pictures of family. In other words, just stuff.

For some reason, otherwise rational, reasonable people will get into knock down, drag out arguments over items that, realistically, aren’t worth more than a few dollars. I understand that people have an emotional attachment to certain things, but at the end of the day, those items are just things; they are not your parent, they are not your grandfather, they are just items that belonged to that person. Sometimes people will say things, make an offhand statement at some point, such as, “oh, yes, if you want that dish set when I’m gone, you can have it”. They may not even remember making the statement, but the person who heard it does remember it; and after your death, they are going to be insisting that Mom promised that they could have the dish set, and god help anyone who gets in their way.

What can you do to avoid this? Florida allows you to have a “tangible personal property memorandum”. This is a list of items that you want to be left to specific individuals; essentially you must refer to this list in a written will; and then on the list you must list each item and write who you want the item to go to; then sign and date the list and keep it with the will. Please be sure to describe the item sufficiently; don’t refer to your ‘good china’, refer to the description, the white china with the blue border; and be sure to identify who you want the item to go to by name; don’t say “my daughters can choose what they want”. Name which daughter you want to get which item.

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Thinking about funerals

Normally, I don’t encourage clients to address their funerals in wills, usually the person will be buried long before anyone necessarily even finds the will. And people sometimes change their mind; it would be a shame to have to redraft an entire will or even to have to execute a codicil if someone decided they didn’t want to be buried as they set out in the will.

Nonetheless, there is a relatively recent change in Florida law that I am seeing as causing some mischief; specifically section 39 of FS 497.005, reproduced below. I am getting calls from children, and sometimes parents, about burial disputes; someone has died, and one family member wants to have a cremation; the other family member wants to have a burial; or disputes over where the body should be buried, which cemetery, which state, which plot. In the past typically funeral homes looked to whoever contacted them; if one daughter contacted the funeral home the funeral home would look to that daughter to decide the disposition of the body. Unfortunately, the way the law is currently written, funeral homes are getting a bit gun shy; they do not want to get into a dispute with family members, and they are a bit afraid of being sued; some funeral homes are insisting on having consents from all family members of a certain class; if there’s more than one child, they want all of the children to consent; and if they don’t then the funeral homes are basically insisting on a full blown, i.e., expensive, funeral and burial.

What can you do? First, you can enter a preneed funeral contract; you sign a contract with a funeral home, choose exactly what you want to be done after you die, and prepay it. There may be a few other costs associated with it, if someone wants to send flowers or such, but this is probably the best way of insuring that you get exactly what you wanted; you do the detailed planning, sign a contract and pay for it.

Second, if you’re not willing to prepay, then at least write out the instructions ahead of time; be specific; where and how you want the body buried or disposed of, which plot or family cemetery; sign it, date it and put it where someone will find it after your death.

Third, at least designate, in writing, signed and dated, who you want to make the decision; I authorize my Daughter Suzy Smith to make decisions regarding my funeral. Signed, Bobby Smith, dated 1/1/2013.

Lastly, as an aside; if you are a Veteran who lives in The Villages, Florida, or the Spouse or Child of a Veteran who lived in The Villages, Florida there is a National Cemetery in Bushnell, Florida; which provides burial and cremation spaces to United States Veterans and their spouses; their website is here:
Department of Veterans Affairs, Florida National Cemetery

(39) “Legally authorized person” means, in the priority listed:
(a) The decedent, when written inter vivos authorizations and directions are provided by the decedent;
(b) The person designated by the decedent as authorized to direct disposition pursuant to Pub. L. No. 109-163, s. 564, as listed on the decedent’s United States Department of Defense Record of Emergency Data, DD Form 93, or its successor form, if the decedent died while serving military service as described in 10 U.S.C. s. 1481(a)(1)-(8) in any branch of the United States Armed Forces, United States Reserve Forces, or National Guard;
(c) The surviving spouse, unless the spouse has been arrested for committing against the deceased an act of domestic violence as defined in s. 741.28 that resulted in or contributed to the death of the deceased;
(d) A son or daughter who is 18 years of age or older;
(e) A parent;
(f) A brother or sister who is 18 years of age or older;
(g) A grandchild who is 18 years of age or older;
(h) A grandparent; or
(i) Any person in the next degree of kinship.
In addition, the term may include, if no family member exists or is available, the guardian of the dead person at the time of death; the personal representative of the deceased; the attorney in fact of the dead person at the time of death; the health surrogate of the dead person at the time of death; a public health officer; the medical examiner, county commission, or administrator acting under part II of chapter 406 or other public administrator; a representative of a nursing home or other health care institution in charge of final disposition; or a friend or other person not listed in this subsection who is willing to assume the responsibility as the legally authorized person. Where there is a person in any priority class listed in this subsection, the funeral establishment shall rely upon the authorization of any one legally authorized person of that class if that person represents that she or he is not aware of any objection to the cremation of the deceased’s human remains by others in the same class of the person making the representation or of any person in a higher priority class.

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Estate, Inheritance and Income Taxes in Florida

I get a lot of questions about estate and inheritance and income taxes for Florida estates.

First, Florida has no separate estate tax; Florida did have what is commonly known as a “sponge” tax which is tied to the Federal Estate Tax; essentially, what happened was, if an estate was large enough to be subject to the Federal Estate Tax, Florida would tax that estate as well; however, it would not increase the total estate tax liability as the Federal estate tax would grant a dollar for dollar credit against the Florida estate tax. Florida did away with this entirely for decedents dying in or after 2005 and now has no sponge tax.
To be honest, the federal estate tax is not an issue for most estates in Florida; the current Federal Estate Tax exemption is $5 million. If your estate is, or may be, subject to the Federal Estate tax, then you should talk to an attorney about how to eliminate or minimize those taxes. There may also be differences where either the person leaving the money is not a United States Citizen, or where one of the people being left the money is not a US citizen; particularly if the spouse is a non-US citizen or if the person leaving the property is a nonresident, non-citizen, i.e., someone who is not a citizen, who is not a permanent resident of the United States, but owns property here such as a vacation home or investment property; if any of these are the case then you should at least talk to an attorney to see whether you need additional estate planning.

Other than that, though, in nearly all cases there is no Florida or Federal estate tax due.

Second, Florida has no ‘inheritance’ tax; though some states will levy a tax not on the gross estate, but upon certain classes of people who receive an inheritance. Who is subject to it, the exemption, if any, and the tax rate varies depending on the state. However, the general rule is that the tax is applicable only in cases where the person who died was a resident of that state, or where a nonresident owned property, real or personal, in that state, such as in the case where a Florida resident owned property in another state.

I’ve mentioned before that if you move to The Villages, Florida from out of state, it is a really good idea to move any bank accounts, investment accounts and any other assets to Florida in order to avoid a claim by the state where you came from that you were still a resident of that state and claims that you might owe income tax in that state; this is another reason to move any assets you can to Florida; If you leave a bank account or an investment account in another state, it is possible that state could claim either a estate tax or inheritance tax under some circumstances. Don’t forget to move or ‘roll over’ retirement accounts such as IRA’s, Keogh Plans and 401 and 403 plans if possible. Talk to an investment professional about how to transfer or rollover these types of accounts; this is not something you want to do yourself, if you don’t know what you are doing you may be at risk of triggering income tax liability if you make a mistake.

Third, Florida has no personal income tax; and as a general rule, most inheritances will not trigger a federal income tax either, although the estate may have to file a federal income tax return. The major exceptions are, first, if the money was “tax deferred” such as under an IRA, 401, 403 or Keogh plan; that money will be taxable as it is drawn out; depending on how the plan was set up and who receives it, there may be ways to avoid having to draw all of the money out all at once; instead, stretching it out over several years. If you have such a plan, you need to talk to an administrator to see if you need to do anything to allow this; if you inherit such a plan, you need to talk to whoever runs the plan before you draw any money out. And, some benefits received from pension plans and retirement distributions may be taxable; the general rule is that if the money would have been taxable to the person who died, it is taxable to the person who inherits it.

Also, any income received by the estate and passed on to the heirs or beneficiaries may be taxable; for example, if the estate inherits property that is rented during the probate, and the rent is paid to the heirs, then income tax may apply.

And, if you sell property that you inherited, income tax may apply; if you inherit a house or stock, and sell the house or stock, then you may have to pay income tax on the sale at the time that you sell it. However, the general rule in this country is that inherited property is treated on a ‘step up’ basis; you do not pay tax on the difference between what the person who died paid for it and what it was sold for; you pay tax on the difference between what the property was worth on the date of death and what you sold it for. Under most circumstances, property that has been held for a period of time has increased in value; so if your mother bought stock at $1 a share in 1970, but it was worth $100 a share when she died in 2012, and you sold it in 2013 for $110 a share, you would owe tax only on $10 a share, not $109 a share. The same rule applies to real estate, and other sorts of investments, such as gold. And, depending on how long you hold the property after you inherit it, you may be able to pay taxes at the “capital gains” rate and not ordinary income tax rate.

Bear in mind, all of this is subject to changes in the law; I don’t know what is going to happen in Washington, DC and there has long been talk of changing the law in this area; if you have a large estate you need to pay attention to the news and contact an attorney if the law changes.

But, in any event, Florida has no income tax on inheritances or estates.

If you have questions about estate planning in The Villages Florida, please contact my office. If you have a need for a probate in The Villages, including Summerfield, Lady Lake, Wildwood, Fruitland Park and Oxford, please call my office.

Posted in Death and Taxes, Estate Planning, Probate | Tagged | 43 Comments

The importance of having documents in place ahead of time.

Over the years, I’ve received a number of calls from spouses or children where their loved one is dying. And typically, they are in a bit of a panic; not necessarily because of the impending death, frequently they’re dealing with that emotionally, but because some decisions need to be made and no one is authorized to make those decisions.

I’ve preached about this before; the responsible thing to do is have your lifetime planning and estate planning in place before you need it. Nonetheless, a lot of people do not do any sort of planning until the last minute. And it can be too late at the last minute.

Sometimes it is possible to do some last minute planning; if the person is able to communicate they can probably execute documents naming someone to handle business affairs and to make medical decisions, as well as doing some estate planning; but sometimes the person is unconscious, in a coma, or while they may be conscious, they are simply too far gone to be able to communicate in any meaningful sense. And, sometimes, things can turn for the worse very quickly; people may be able to communicate in the morning, but by the afternoon, they’re unable to.

Having a power of attorney and a health care surrogacy in place ahead of time is simply the right thing to do; it is good stewardship as my pastor puts it. While it is not impossible to deal with emergencies in the absence of these documents, it does make things much rougher and could make things much more expensive than need be.

Everyone should have a power of attorney and a health care surrogacy in place; even if you are not comfortable drafting a will, these other documents will allow someone to make decisions for you during your lifetime. Bear in mind, both of these documents are revocable; if you run into a problem you can undo them.

If you are in need of lifetime planning, a power of attorney, or a medical power of attorney in The Villages, Florida, feel free to contact my office.

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Death should end feuds

I’m kind of stepping away from the legal advice today; and spending just a bit of time on a soapbox. Given that this is the holiday season, and people at least pay lip service to “goodwill towards men” at this time of year, I simply want to point out that when someone dies, any feuds they had should die with them. I understand that sometimes people do horrible things to other people; and I am not one who subscribes wholeheartedly to not speaking ill of the dead; if someone was a real SOB during their life, I’m not necessarily afraid of saying that. Nonetheless, I’ve seen survivors carry on feuds after the death of a loved one. Most commonly, not telling family members that someone died; the rationale is usually that the surviving family members were mean to the person during their lifetime, that they had a huge fight, that the person who died couldn’t stand them and that the survivor wants to carry out the wishes of the person who died by not telling family members that someone died.

First, I can guarantee you that if you don’t inform the surviving family members of the death, and they find out later, they will remember this, they will be furious and rightly so. They are not going to think that Gee, maybe I was mean to so and so, and that’s why his wife didn’t let me know he died, they’re going to think, that brother of mine was so rotten, and his wife is too, that she didn’t tell me my own brother died.

Second, you may very well be hurting innocent parties. Maybe your husband was justifiably mad at his brother during his lifetime, but if your brother has children, frankly, those children were not involved in the feud. Not telling anyone in that branch of the family is really punishing those that had nothing to do with the fight. It is simply right that they should know that their uncle or whoever died. If you absolutely can’t bring yourself to call the person who was directly involved in the feud, call someone who isn’t involved; a niece, a nephew, maybe a spouse; even a divorced spouse; you don’t have to be all kissy friendly, just polite; “Listen, I’m your uncle Harry’s wife; uncle Harry was brother to your dad; I’m just calling to let you know that Harry died last week, you might want to tell your dad” or something like that. Even if the niece or nephew was not close, they should know that a relative has passed away.

Lastly, I do understand, sometimes people do horrible things to family members; and not necessarily everyone deserves to have their deeds forgiven and forgotten; nonetheless, a lot of times, people say things that they don’t mean, say things that they later regret, or when they’re mad, sometimes people have a bad day, or a bad year, and frequently, these feuds are about something that was said, not something that was done. And sometimes words get blown out of proportion; it’s one thing if a family member molested someone else, or used violence against them, or stole from them. It’s another thing entirely if someone said something mean. I’m not saying that words can’t hurt someone but a little understanding can go a long way. You don’t have to best buddies with all of your family members; you don’t have to like them, but to be able to maintain a polite, if distant relationship with people that you really don’t like, or even dislike, is one of the distinguishing features of being a grown up. If you have a family member that has hurt you, at least consider reaching out to them at this time of year and politely communicating with them. If they reject you, fine, that’s their problem; at least you will have acted like an adult and have a clear conscience, at least you tried.

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