One of the advice columnists in the local newspaper this week had a letter from a woman who had given detailed information about her estate plan to her children, and she was feeling pressure from them, and was concerned that the children were more worried about receiving their inheritance than her continued good health.

How much information should you share with your children about your estate plan?

My answer is, it depends. It depends on the complexity of the estate plan, and the relationship with the children.

If you have some sort of trust, or guardianship, say for a minor child or grandchild, or someone who is incapable of handling their own affairs, such as a child who is a drug abuser, and are naming a trustee or guardian to manage property for them, it is probably a very good idea to sit down and have a heart to heart talk with the trustee or guardian about your wishes.  Testators tend to assume that the person they are naming is automatically going to know what the testator would have wanted; that is not always the case. Likewise, you should check with them and make sure that they are actually willing to act as trustee or guardian; not only could this come as a surprise to them if you don’t discuss it, but I’ve seen cases where people casually agreed to become a trustee, thinking it was unlikely to pass, but when the testator died and the nominated trustee was contacted, they refused to serve.  You need to talk to them, and make sure they understand that  you are relying on them to do the job; if they are reluctant to do so, you need to think about naming someone else.

On the other hand, where you are leaving your property  outright to self sufficient adults, your adult children, step-children, or nieces and nephews, I have found that people tend to ‘overshare’ information.  While I understand there may be a close relationship between yourself and your children, and you trust them, bear in mind, relationships can change.  And, like it or not, sometimes children, or others who have been told they will inherit something, forget that the property belongs to their parent until the parent dies; and sometimes they will resent it if the parent starts to spend money, or considers changing the estate plan.

One thing I do not encourage is sending heirs copies of wills.  I know, people like to share, but I have seen a number of cases where someone sent a copy of a will to a beneficiary, then later decided to change or revoke the will.  The problem is, this usually comes as a very unpleasant surprise to the beneficiary who is now cut out of the will.  If they have a copy of an old will, they may very well try to probate the copy of the old will and this can involve a very expensive will contest and tie up the estate for months or years.  If they don’t have a copy of the old will, it is much more difficult for them to challange a new will.

Understand, I am not suggesting that you should be Crazy Paranoid about this, but you should exercise some discretion and caution with sharing information about your estate plan.  You can always share information if you need to; but once information is shared, you can’t take it back. And most of the problems I have seen come from people sharing too much information, not from sharing too little information.   Your will is your business; think before  you make it someone elses’  business.

If you need a will in The Villages, Florida, please feel free to call my office.